I had just fallen asleep when the barking began.
“Shut up!” I hollered out the window.
But Spot and Jem continued the racket.
“Woof, woof, woof.”
“SHUT UP,” I shouted again and this time got their attention.
“It’s a good thing for you we don’t live in China,” I told them.
“Why?” Spot asked. “Don’t you know how to say “shut up” in Mandarin?”
Ignoring her wisecrack, I told the spaniels how the Chinese had slaughtered 50,000 dogs in a single county in Yunnan province after three people there died of rabies. Only military guard dogs and police canine units were spared.
According to an Associated Press story, killing teams entered villages at night creating noise to make the dogs bark, then beat the animals to death. Dogs being walked by their owners were also seized and beaten to death on the spot.
“Spot beat someone to death?” Jem asked.
He had stopped licking himself and was paying rapt attention.
“Not our Spot, on the spot,” I told him.
“Huh?” he muttered.
“Never mind,” I said. But Jem had already lost interest. He closed his eyes and started scratching himself.
“And they’re limiting pet owners to a single dog in much of the country, too,” I told them.
“Well we know who’d have to go,” Spot whispered and gave me a wink.
“Oh, yeah?” I replied. “I believe you were the one who started barking first.”
“I thought we were being robbed,” she said. “I was being protective.”
“Baloney,” I told her. “You just like to bark.”
Jem snapped to attention.
“Baloney!” he growled. “Where?”
“In China, apparently,” Spot said. “Made out of dog lips.”
“You may be right,” I told the bitch. “They eat dogs in China. Chinese men believe dog meat makes them more virile.”
“What’s virile?” Jem asked.
“What you’re not anymore,” Spot told him, but he’d stopped listening again and was sniffing himself.
“I could make some money off you two if we lived in China,” I said. “Dog owners were offered 63 cents per animal to kill their dogs.”
“Wow,” Spot said sarcastically. “You could buy some new clothes, maybe get a haircut, too.”
“I’m going back to bed,” I told them. “Now shut up and go to sleep.”
Spot lay down and closed her eyes.
“Whatever you say, Chairman Mao” she said.
“Who’s Chairman Mao?” Jem asked.
“Don’t worry about it,” I told him. “Just be glad we don’t live in China.”
Parker Heinlein is at pman@mtintouch.net